Fight or Leave It.

I am kinda agitated since last week. I don't know why. Something is bothering me. Past histories.

Have been repeating Cee-Lo Green's "Fxxx You" for billions of times these two days. Love this song for no reason. Maybe it's because Bruno Mars wrote this song. It was funny when I was partying a few weeks ago, the DJ played this song and everyone at the dance floor was dancing with their middle fingers up :)

Lotsa rubbish in my mind. I was telling bestie that I have learnt a hard approach as I grow older - that I will have to fight for something that I want. On the other hand, she mentioned that sometimes the more you do, the harder you try, the lesser of chance you will get it. Sigh, what an irony. I don't know, maybe it was what I have encountered that makes me a person today. Someone with very strong characteristics I guess - so bad that sometimes I intimidate people and chase them away :P

Two years ago, when I was focusing wholeheartedly on building my career, I told everyone that all I ever wanted was my career. THAT'S ALL.

Two years later, after experiencing a failed 4-year relationship, bad karma, shifting and traveling, lost someone so significant that hit me so bad and still building my career, I have somehow changed my mindset. If you were to ask me the same question of what do I want, I can be very frank in telling you that "I want to settle down. If someone I love were to ask me to marry him, I will do so!" Unfortunately, there isn't anyone, how depressing :)

Guess it was all because of peer pressure of seeing everyone around getting married and expecting babies. Another bestie actually told me that expecting a baby was "the best and most miraculous moments in her life" - WOW! She is happily married and recently welcomed her baby girl to this beautiful (and mean) world :)

To fight or not to fight. It's tiring to fight alone. I don't know but I believe how my heart feels. If it's not going to work, it ain't going to work but oh well, at least I tried :)

Will be visiting the one-month-old Xavier tomorrow. This god son is so fortunate to have a shopaholic aunt who just bought him a pair of Ralph Lauren shoes!

Liebe xx